Handling Traditions Amongst Family Chaos
With
the season of giving and social gatherings upon us, it is easy to feel a sense
of dread instead of the joy that all of the Hallmark specials proclaim should
be our instant reaction. Family gatherings may equal nothing more than dysfunction
for some. How do we handle the inappropriate conversations between Cousin Jake
and Aunt Melinda? What if Grandma Sue starts to get lippy after her second
glass of wine? What if your husband starts in on his political views which are
so polar opposite of your father’s viewpoints? When do we get to leave? Yikes!!
The celebrations may not have started and the flood gates of “what ifs” open
up. Why am I so stressed when this is supposed to be “the most wonderful time
of the year”?
Add
to that the fact that you are bringing your pride and joy, who
comes armed and dangerous to the party with his or her special needs resulting from
Autism, Cerebral Palsy, or maybe a seizure disorder. Will the cast of characters present at
Christmas dinner be able to handle outbursts, fixations, or the dreaded grand
mal that may result unexpectedly? These situations are glaring for many
families and cause them to create traditions of their own to bypass negative
situations. Personally, I think the key to getting through the holidays in one
piece is to embrace your threshold for what you can and can’t handle this time
of year.
Consider the following questions as your family’s
traditions are being planned this year.
Is it ok if you attend functions for part
of the time and not the entire event?
If
you are honest about your situation with your family, maybe it will cut down on
the stress that you have experienced during past years. Grandma Jackie may need
to hear from you personally that little Jimmy can’t handle more than 30 minutes
away from home. If long distance is a factor, can you gather on days other than
“the big day” to spend time with loved ones? Can you see family and friends in
small increments throughout the month of December or even January to cut down
on chaos that you foresee happening?
Is it easier to hold events at your
house instead of travelling to other people’s houses?
Holding
Christmas dinner at your house can be expensive and stressful for some
families. For myself, I enjoy cooking and having access to my children’s toys
and bedrooms during the most exhausting day of the year for them…and for me! For others, cooking may be the dreaded part.
If this is the case, can people bring side dishes to your house? Can you hold
parties during different times when you know your children will be at their
best? Sometimes dinners can be late for children and this is especially the
case if they have disabilities. Is a better option to plan for a brunch or
lunch to accommodate the needs of your family?
Sometimes the easiest tradition is to
not have traditions.
If
you are a family that experiences the unexpected constantly, then be realistic.
Communicate to your friends and family that you don’t know what this holiday
season will bring for your family planning. If little Sally has medical issues,
you need to attend to those issues and let your extended family know that she
is your priority. Use technology to connect loved ones to each other. If the
season is about loving and caring for each other, those that hold that theme
will understand and embrace what you need. If they are not able to do this,
surround yourself with people who can.
Take a fresh approach to the holiday
season.
For your child with special needs,
it is important to think about what they are able to handle. As a parent, you
may have always dreamt of watching them interact with Santa. You may have
gotten yourself overly excited about dressing them up and taking them to the Children’s
Christmas mass. Whatever your initial thoughts may have been, it is ok if you
can’t fulfill these dreams. Honest!! Just breathe and know that it is ok to do the
best you can do. Take those initial dreams and recreate them. There are no
medals and there is no defeat if you create your own celebrations to
accommodate your family members. That, to me, defines a successful family.
Place the needs of your family BEFORE the “needs” that others expect from you
and your loved ones.
Over
the past few years, I have learned that spending time with my immediate family
is more important to me than attending events such as the Polar Express or
downtown Christmas parades. I have also learned that Christmas religious events
may be meant for me to attend without my children. The God that I believe in understands
if they are not in attendance. I have learned to say “no thank you” and I have
learned to know when I can’t be in attendance for events. What I have gained through
recreating my family traditions have been terrific memories.
It
is how you define your family’s traditions that will ultimately help you
eliminate unnecessary stress that creeps up this time of year. It is amazing
when you start to realize that you have the power to truly make it the most
wonderful time of the year.
Wishing
you all the joy and love of the season,
Beth
*Beth
Lattime, M. Ed. is a developmental specialist and intervention specialist. Her
professional experiences span over classroom, clinical, home-based, and
recreational environments. She can now proudly add her own natural environments
to her list of experiences. Ethan was diagnosed with Infantile Spasms in 2012
which is a rare type of epilepsy and had a former diagnosis of dysphasia. He is
currently undergoing intensive therapies at LLA for apraxia and deficits in the
arenas of physical and occupational therapy as well. For more on Beth’s story,
visit www.lattimeinterventionservices.com
Labels: Parents
